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It has been a year and a half since I stepped on the mighty Australian ground as a student. One tiny student in the land of “G’day mate” and “Put another prawn on the barbie”.
Funny enough the first thing I was introduced to was neither. It was heat.

Being from Russia I had totally forgotten that there are countries on earth where the temperature is not constantly -25 and summer actually implies wearing shorts and a t-shirt, not the warm padded pants with a snow/wind/rain proof jacket. On top of that I was leaving my sweet home in the middle of the winter.
I was prepared for almost anything…almost.

What I was definitely NOT prepared for was 40 degree heat with a blasting wind that makes you feel like you are sitting on the top shelf in Banya (Banya – a Russian traditional sauna: flipping hot, contains hot rocks, a bucket of water and a besom made of dry and spiky tree brunches, where just for fun people spray water on the red-hot coals with the intention to create more heat and beat the living lights out of each other with an earlier mentioned besom just because “it’s good for ya”…).

Anyhow, being a student in Australia is a contradictory great experience…
I found out that “deadlines” imply “some time next year” and “urgently” most of the time means “whenever you feel like it mate”. Though it only applies to lecturing/administering staff (been waiting to receive my certificate award for over 6 months now). Students on the other hand should submit all their work strictly on time, and no one cares that it was given out to you only 3 weeks prior to ending of the semester. (Note: I did not mention quality of work for a reason, because I’ve been told on several occasions “You think too much” and … “Stop thinking too much”). Here goes my motivation out the window. My soviet way of doing things in the best possible way and desire to excel was just seriously questioned…

I’ve learned that some students are getting paid by the government. These are called “social security” students and it is inconsiderate to question their behaviour culture such as sleeping, yelling and distracting class in any possible way in front of fellow students. Though I still don’t understand the whole meaning of social security students in the class, I simply decided to ignore the presence of thee and move on with my studies.

Another thing I’ve learned was the meaning of a word “bogan”. Bogan – a particular breed of homosapien: drives an overpowered and a very loud Commodore ute, wears a reflective shirt or a Bintang tank top with shorts and flip flops or wears no top whatsoever and usually implies to “tradies”. Still to me it sounds more like a discriminative joke against this layer of society. “Tradies” are decent people, they just like loud cars and they are constantly feeling hot, or being safe (hence wearing the reflective shirt).

Speaking of which, pale skin Aussies that you believe to be real Aussies are not the the real “ozzies”. People of aboriginal descent are the real indigenous Australians. In many cases they are very descent human beings, but some are quite unpleasant to be around. Many times I’ve seen this type go on public transport, cause trouble and openly abuse anyone who would come across, repeatedly calling a poor stranger a racist and then making a racist comment straight after themselves. What wonders me the most is that they receive not any less of public benefits than any other non-Australian citizen and in some cases they are eligible to use specific government programs such as Aboriginal Medical, Legal services, educational programs or special payments. So why not use it to full, why not to try and get educated, get a job? But on the other hand it seems that Australian society by differentiating indigenous people from non-indigenous locked itself in the loop. Why on each single form I filled in in Australia I should have determined whether I am of an Aboriginal decent or not…
Who cares? You were born in Australia? Good! You are Aussie… Personally doesn’t bother me as long as you are a decent human being.

Being Asian looking is the whole different story. I was told a few times to “Go back to where you came from FOB!”… Took me a while to learn that one. FOB – Fresh Of the Boat, an asylum seekers: come from one of the neighbouring Asian countries, usually Indonesia, come by boat. These people spend an x amount of time in detention camps until they receive a refugee status and are allowed to come in and stay permanently in the country. Also they receive an equal amount of rights and opportunities as any other permanent resident, plus some special treatment…the kind that even real pale skin ozzies don’t get.
Ex.: Recently Australian government suggested and encouraged housing refugees in Australian citizens homes or nursing houses for a reduced rental cost…
Very humane way of treating people who seeks protection and support from Australian government.
Yet why do I constantly see and read news about the actual Australian residents who have lost their homes and nothing is being done about it…?
Another unsolved mystery.

Moving on to being Russian with the risk level of “3″ as defined by the Australian Immigration Department. I had to go through almost hell to get my student visa and the only concession i got was a student discount. Documentation was not an issue during the process, the treatment received in immigration offices were. But I guess this is just a part of the deal, they don’t want any random people full of possibly bad intentions to enter their holy grounds… Understandable. They already have a handful of their own.

Angels

I had a dream back in 2009, and as i woke up i wrote a poem… only now to understand who it was truly written for.
For mum and dad, for my siblings and grandparents, for my friends, … for random people who just appeared in my life out of nowhere just to make my day and then disappeared as unexpectedly…

Angel: Can I go there?
God: But why? Don’t you like to being here, being happy? Always… ?
A: Yes, but they have something that makes them do silly things, something that makes them so vulnerable but yet so strong… i want to find out what this is…
G: Are you sure? If you will go there, you will have a difficult life
A: I want to go…
G: Ok…


Sometimes you feel like you have lost
And not at all was mean to be on Earth
You feel like dying, and  almost losing hope
You try to finish it up, but it hurts…

You feel so lonely, so confused
You trying to escape but can’t
You feel like you have been refused
But then you see his or her open hand

He’ll look at you, he’ll give a smile
He’ll help you to go through the hardest times
Or maybe she…she’ll walk an extra mile
To bring you back to life

Those people are around us
But there is something special, something odd
Sometimes they do what average person rarely does
And you can feel the touch of God

Their lives might look a little different from the rest
But it’s because they have a purpose and a different mind
For people who surrounds them they will do the best
They are here to guard…they are here to guide

They suddenly appear with kindest smiles
Filled to the edge with love and life
They’ll lead you through the hardest times
Sometimes they stay, sometimes they leave before we ask them “why?”

The Angels, when you see one you will recognize
They are holding our hands and going through mayhem
And when the time is right, you’ll realise
That you are… one of them…

(c)

New Life

Went through all of my older posts…
Feel like giving myself a friendly pat on the back of my head…with a baseball bat.

A lot has happen in the past 5 years. Life has changed, mentality hasn’t stayed the same either… I never thought that a perseption of life could change so dramatically within 5 years. But i was warned by a very dear friend of mine that it would happen at some point… Gotta thank him too, even being thousands of miles away he still managed to make me feel better and helped keeping my sanity in the right place…
There are certaing difficulties as well as good times. Finaly i found friends in Perth and enjoying their company very much. At least now i dont feel like a complete nerd talking about computers and making “The IT Crowd and a Big Bang Theory” type of jokes.
Studying IT was definitely the right thing to choose for studying…gotta thank the IT Manager from my last project job, who encouraged me to take this path. As well as i have to thank my department Manager who was very supportive and also encouraged me to go and study abroad.
He printed a picture for me that said “She turned her can’ts into cans and her dreams into plans”, hang it behind me on the wall and told me to read it every day…up untill i  made my dream come true. so did.
And here i am… happy as ;)

To be continued…

Stand Up Comedy in Seoul

Alright, I’m in Seoul now. Surfed net for about an hour to find any type of the decent place to spend my evening at… Since I’m on my way to Australia, one bar drew my attention. Tony’s Aussie Bar & Bistro.
Of course i got super excited, if it is an Aussie bar, then probably it will be flooded with Aussies who are in general very easy going fun people who i for some reason tend to fall inlove with, aaand the bar had a stand up comedy that night. Woohoo! Bring it on! Aussie beer, cricket on the tv and mean Aussie humor…Well…in your dreams Nat.
At first, finding that place was a bit of a mission impossible, It is located up on the hill (this is when i seriously felt like an idiot, dressed up like Russian mafia, plus ridiculously high high heels made it very difficult to walk up the hill and it was cold as well).Anyways.
Driven by an excitement to hear some fart jokes and drunk Aussies “taking the piss”…nothing could stop me now.

So i got there, the first thing that came on my mind “I knew that Aussies are in a way are tight asses…but i really didn’t know that they are that tight...4 years spent with an Aussie should have taught me better i love my boyfriend regardless.”
Location of the bar is away from all the big and busy districts (aka cheap rent). The place itself, well of course I was hoping to see some Roo-s and Emu-s on the walls, geckos,boomerangs and maybe even crocodiles, but the place was rather nice, homey and comfortable, a bit small though about the size of a sardine can. The place was packed…with 15 people…it just physically wouldn’t be able to fit in any more without such fatalities as choking to death just because someone couldnt keep their gases inside and felt an urge to let it out…There is a cool thing about the place, it is a non-smoking bar..which i liked very much since im not a smoker now.
The stand up comedy was in its full swing. So i stood there, hoping some Aussie mate would start picking on me for being late for the show.
First disappointment – there were no Aussies. Second – there were no Aussies in a radius of 1000 km, otherwise i would have found them.
The stand up comedy was good, i think i smiled a couple of times. I assume some of the comedians if not all of them are English Language teachers from the states, who read their jokes from the piece of paper…All the stand up comedy shows i ve been at before were a pure improvisation with a comedian constantly interacting with the crowd, making fun of someone and pointing out something obviously funny. But of course, those guys are professionals, and im sure those guys at the pub did their best to make everyone laugh…(perhaps it is something out of American humor to laugh every time you hear the word “fuck”).
I had some thoughts about “what would i talk about if i were there?” Certainly it takes some balls to go out there and perform and actually succeed and not to get booed…At first, since I’m from Russia i guess i would have said something about living there, like…”In the winter it gets so cold you just don’t want to go and pee outside because you ll just stub yourself to death”…anyhow…, after about 5 minutes of looking around i noticed that all male English language teachers were dressed up in whatever is now considered being “stylish” in Korea, for a normal person they all looked just like a bunch of nerds – let me explain. Now in Korea, if you are a male, it is very Stylish to wear a pair of big fucking glasses with thick lenses regardless to what your eyesight is, wear tight jeans that hang on your ass and look like you just had a huge dump in your pants, gumshoes that totally mismatch with the color of your entire outfit (red or bright fucking green or yellow) and on top of that wrap a big ass scarf around your neck so you look like human size ice cream cone with a tiny cherry on the top.
Okay. Moving on.
One guy started talking about how sometimes you get them “WTF” moments…a-ha, i thought…finally someone with something interesting, he started talking about HOW HE SAW A HUGE FUCKING DRYING MACHINE!!!
I mean, what is so WTF about this moment? The size or the fact that it is a damn drying machine? Dude go to Russia and you ll be surprised, there we have these huge stoves called “pechkas”, they have an oven and enormous amount of space to cook on and it doesnt need an electricity to work!! They can also be used as an incinerator to burn someone’s body whatever trash you have at home, and sometimes you can even sleep on it!!Now that would fuck you up.
That, right away brought a conclusion in to my head: “Mate, you are a WTF moment yourself…”…maybe it has something to do with their style…you know how when we girls change our hair color to blond we all become fucking retarded…dressing up like a nerd seem to have the same effect on man. (Blondies, please no offense, i personally know many bright and intelligent blond girls and some of them are so fucking smart i feel retarded when im with them).
Where was i. Ah, one girl started talking about how sometimes you would have to go and stay and your grandparents place. Normally grandma would cook you a breakfast and while you are having your breakfast she d ask what do you want to eat for lunch, then when you are having your lunch your grandma would ask what do you want to eat for dinner and of course, at the dinner she d ask what do you want to eat for breakfast. Damn, i wish my grandma was asking me what i want to eat…but we koreans eat riceall the time -  for breakfast, lunch and dinner! If i wanted to eat something else, i d have to cook it myself ffs. She would make some rice with milk kind of porridge on a rare occasion though or some “tok”-little gooey things made of rice >< if you been a good kid all week, and then if she s like in a super great mood she d put some beans in your rice, lol!!!..ahh gotta love grandmas…they are awesome, my grandma is the best rice cook!!
Alright, there was another guy though, who had some okay jokes, but he just read all of them from his iPad in the most ridiculous order you could ever possibly imagine…It’s like he googled jokes and just randomly copy pasted it in his iPad or no, it seemed like he was googling them at that time and was reading whatever came up first! (since the bar has a free wi-fi it is very likely).
Funny enough he started with a cock blocking…”you know there is always one girl in the group, who would protect all the girls…she s not on the top list of hotties, in fact she s normally in the very bottom of that list so she would say random stuff in front of guys”…
- MATE!!!”Cockblocking” is intentional or not very intentional action that serves to prevent a male from getting a pussy (normally it is a male stopping another male). What you boy described here has another term – a twat swatter (thanks to Dane Cook for perfectly defining an action of a female cockblocking action).
Ah, hang on…remembering stuff from the last night gets very hard at times because of the amount of alcohol consumed during that night. I feel like my head is full of packing chips now (those that stick to you and you cannot unstuck all of them, and there is always one or two left, like on your ass or armpit).
Anyhow, the stand up comedy was a pretty cool thing to see, something different. Comedians were good, some more, some less…I would definitely visit the place again, just to see what new comedians would come up with. The sad thing is, as soon as the performance finished everybody left the bar, so i took off as well. And thats when i felt stupid for the second time in the evening…because i had to walk downhill in my high heels…and I’m pretty sure i looked like some bandy-legged frog pecker trying to perform this stunt.
The bottom line is, it was a good night…

So I had a marvelous vocation. Two beautiful weeks of sun, relaxation and a constant fear of being bitten by a mosquito.
When you travel to such a place,You HAVE to follow some tips.
The first and the most important tip “Use ONLY registered Money Exchangers” you will see the difference. It always will be a decent office and they never charge you the tax %. The ones near or in the markets WILL charge you extra tax and they more likely WILL fuck you over and you will realise you are missing like 10-50$ ish. depends on how much you going to exchange.

Registered ME’s:_________Unregistered ME’s:

1. Will always use 100,000 Rp__1. Will use 50,000 Rp
bank notes._________________bank notes
2. Will count the money out____2. Will count the money out,
ONCE and won’t touch it again!__then they will touch it A LOT
___________________________to confuse you.
3. Will NEVER talk____________3. Will talk A LOT, to distract you
to distract you_______________while touching your money
__________________________several times.
4. WON’T say anything if you___4. WILL ask you to exchange
want to exchange 50$ only._____more and more money at once.
5. Will never charge any tax____5. Will charge you extra fee’s
or commission.
6. They have lower rate,_______6. Unreasonably high rates,
but then you can be sure_______and by the time you get home
you get all your money.________you will realise that you actually
__________________________40$ short.

EXTRA TIP
: Always double check, even in registered ME’s.

Do’s and Don’t s in Bali, Indonesia:

-DO Use Registered Money Exchangers.
-DO Drink plenty of water. There are chances of getting dehydrated in Indonesia.
-DO Keep your original important documents back in your hotel and roam in Indonesia with the copies of the document.
-DO Put on sunscreen to avoid sun burns(At all times. Even if there is no sun)
-DO Look after your belongings(bag, valet etc), so it doesn’t gets snitched away.
-DO Report to a police if you caught a kid (6y.o or 10 y.o any age) trying to steal something from you. It will prevent kids from dropping down deeper into a criminal world in the future.
-DO Bargain. Everything is negotiable. Unless you are in the shop like “Rip curl”, “Billabong”, “Gucci” etc.
-DO Go and do “White water rafting” fresh and cool water of the Balaniese rivers will chill you on a hot day and you will get plenty of positive emotions. Bargain for that one too.
-DO Put on some anti mosquito cream on yourself. Getting a dengue fever is the last thing you want to happen to you when you will be back from a vocation.
-DO Look around when crossing the street. Cars may stop, motorbikes probably wont.
-DO Double check your bills after dining in the restaurant. Somehow a lot of Indonesian people are tend to do mistakes, like charging you for something you didn’t drink, or doubling your total…absolutely by an accident.

-DON’T Step on offerings in the street of Indonesia
-DON’T Touch heads of male, female and even children, as it is considered offensive in the country.
-DON’T Enter temple during menstruation, sorry ladies.
-DON’T Even try to swim in the sea/ocean if you are not a good swimmer. Currents can be very strong in some places. Use swimming pools…
-DON’T Get annoyed/angry in the process of bargain…it is all just a game.
-DON’T Get scared if you see a whole family on the motorbike, carrying  a baby in one hand, driving with another plus transporting something big on their head. That’s totally normal.
-DON’T Forget to bring Travelan to prevent a Bali Belly, or just drink Yakult – can be found in any convenience store.
-DON’T Look and dont ask how much. If you do look or ask you will be followed for miles.
-DON’T Drink the tap water. Never.
-DON’T Tip at places where service tax is already added. Unless the service was awfully good, and i doubt it will be.

Ok, enough about serious stuff. NOW, Who the hell issues the driver licenses to all these people?
I mean, do they learn it in the Driving School to honk your horn absolutely randomly and everywhere?
“I’m overtaking *Honk*, I’m taking a turn *Honk!Honk!*“. Now I just *Honk!! ><” just to let you know I’m here. Oh! An Intersection!!! *Honk-Honk*!!!. Ah and another one *Honk Honk Honk!!!* oh, nah… that was just a pedestrian crossing =). *Honk Honk*!!! Gosh I’m going faster than you *Honk Honk*, Move your dolly-tab out of my way *Honk Honk Honk Honk!!!!!* =D.
And Who said “they drive like idiots in Sakhalin”?…Honestly…if you are riding a bike in Bali than you better sign an immortality pact with God.*Honk-Honk-Honk-Honky-Ho000000nk!*

Another thing that left me wondering is…Do Indonesians really think they are smarter than anyone else? Visited a restaurant (an empty one, later you will understand why).
The waitress came over and told us about their great deal “Buy 2 get 1 free”. Sounds like a good deal. Riiiiight.
First – Normal price of the cocktail is 50.000Rp, But on Happy Hour it is 75,000. One way or another you will pay 150,000Rp for three drinks. What’s the point then calling it a Happy Hour, you smart ass?
Second – The taste was awful. It was more like water with ice plus a splash of something…Uncool
Third – Gosh they tasted awful!!! I didn’t even finish it.
The same place offers you a spaghetti bog…promising to sprinkle some very fine Parmesan on top. And you know what…they never put it in. I felt abused and humiliated at the same time for some reason. I honestly was looking forward for some of these fine Parmesan sprinkles…jackass…
Meat in salad tasted more like an old piece of rubber…Meet normally tastes pretty bad in Indonesia, but that one seemed like it died of an old age or something.
And here is the name of that place “Lobong Cafe” in Ubud. We spent about half an hour there and then we’ve walked past a few times later in the evening… Guess what. It was still empty. Not even wondering why.

About a place to stay…
Kuta, “The Best Western”. 3 days.
All is good unless you are afraid of spiders size of a small monkey. Room was nice, shower included a foot bath (as one my friend wrote about his hotel in Nigeria). Hot and Cold water tubs were mistakenly put vice verso. Emmm, I couldn’t find a laundry bag, the Mini bar is full, but they keep coming back to add something like chips, chocolate bars and water…every day. Even thought we didn’t eat them. Bath towels come with blood, poop and the hell know what else stains on them…The air conditioner sounds more like an airplane turbine BUT blows like if someone was standing there with a small fan in his hands waving it on you. The king size bed is actually made of two twins beds =).Off topic: Tim thank you for your post, so i had something to compare out hotel with.
The swimming pool was pretty awesome though. It included a huge 3 meter drop down, and as far as i’m not a good swimmer i consider it as a useless part…unless you do bomb jumps or dive in it. Oh, it is kinda awesome seeing divers practicing in this pool occasionally too. They looked like a cleaner fish hanging near big whale ,picking plankton off his belly. I love the Swimming pool bar thought.
Also they had a “cinema” kind of thing, at the lobby bar. For some reason the speakers were working the wrong way, they were very loud at the bar and you couldn’t hear shit when you was sitting in the actual “sitting and watching” area. Also it broke down in the middle of the movie. Good place to hang out. The STAFF is nice and friendly, but they don’t seem to be doing handovers when the shift changes.
Balian Beach, “Pondok Pisces” Bungalow. 5 days.
All is good as long as you put the anti mosquito cream. You have the whole house to yourself. Nice swimming pool, which was not overfilled with chlorine. Most pools in Bali are like acid. Stings your nose =). Shower has an eggy smell…but only for a while. Also while you are waiting for this while to pass, your hot water runs out as well, so you end up taking a cold shower afterwords. Mosquito Net is built in into your sleeping area. The only problem is – it is nailed to a wooden bar which is hanging down from the sealing, leaving a 20cm gap for mossies and whatever insects to creep in. Roof leaks…on the TV. Also the roof has big gaps, so occasionally wasps and bees are flying through…I think they built this bungalow on a flying creatures highway… Ants are cool…they don’t bite unless they are dark orange or red color. if you see those, you better walk away and fast…they pinch and bite and it f***king hurts. Water from the river is so dirty that it gives you an ear infection…so stay in your pool. There is a bar too right on the beach, they have a very good cocktails and meal and prices are very reasonable and even cheap. The STAFF in bungalow are very kind and smiley…also they are watching you from the bushes pretending to be cutting it.
Ubud, “Ubud Bungalows” , 3 days
No mosquitoes, a shower for a 3 ft midget, curtains that leave a half of your window opened, no matter how hard you try to place them. Hunting geckos (very entertaining). A pool, a big one, also they removed some tiles on the bottom, just to give some pattern to a pool, they probably forgot to think that removing an object out of it’s natural place leaves a hole. Also it leaves a pretty good scratches on your feet if you step into one of them. They had a swimming pool bar too, which was always closed. Air con was installed, but due to whatever reason it didn’t work. The STAFF is…not there…
Sanur, “Ellora Villas”, 3 days
Another place to stay. expensive but very comfortable. You get an apartment with your own kitchen, that you will never use and your own pool, overfilled with chlorine. Mosquitoes are breeding in a pond with shower outside that you never use and flying into your place through the drain in the toilet room. Mosquitoes are a size of a small dog. They just peacefully sit on the lamp and waiting for you to go sleep. They don’t even bother to fly around in the day time. Also there is a third shower, just outside behind the shower room…Not even sure what for. Place has bicycles for rent, breaks don’t work, tires are flat. But they have a very fancy blue color. The apartments are built into a maze, so don’t worry if you walk past the same object more than twice before you find your place…I should have suggested offering a map on the entrance. No night life in this townlike at all. The STAFF is nice and friendly, but rarely are helpful. Ordering a pick up to the airport 2 days prior your actual leave is USELESS. They will say “Yes, right away”, then they will forget it, then the shift will change, they will never do a handover even if you are the only person staying at their place and you will be leaving in a rush because “Oh, we are sorry, the taxi is late because of the rush our.” Of course it will be late, you called the taxi like 5 minutes ago.

And some more tips:
-When driving a bike, take a dark helmet, so the police won’t know if you are Indonesian or a tourist.
-Absolutely mandatory to take a “white water rafting” trip
-Don’t take any fancy clothes, there is no place to wear them anyway. Everything is pretty casual.
-Take a bottle of water with you wherever you go.
-Be safe and have a lot of fun.

-The laundry lost my socks and underwear, it’s been 4 days since they took it, I’m running out of socks and underwear. What should i do? (poor guy)

-Can I change my room? The guys there are all snoring! (they are snoring everywhere)

-This asshole took my bed! I want my bed back! (it was never yours and never will be)

-Hey you! Our contract says 2 people in 1 room, who did you place 4 in our room? (get over it, the camp is full, and you have 4 beds in your room)

-I lost my key… (i found it… but i wont tell you)

-What is my room number? (Who are you?)

-Where is my room? (Who are you?)

-Is the lunch still available? (finished half an hour ago, but i won’t tell you anyway)

-I want to leave…how can i do it? (through the doors)

-Do i need to sign here? – signing while asking. (no you poor soul, it says “Administrator’s sign” you don’t sign it )

-Someone took my pillow case (i finished work 2 hours ago, but here you go…i just happened to have one)

Chayvo~

So, once again I’m at work. Settled in more or less, starting to understand the system and the job priorities. Being a Reception Admin, or more like a Camp Admin is quite an experience.
People are coming with an absolute unreal amount of questions and sometime these questions are leaving me, well…surprised, sometimes angry, time to time confused.
Like, one poor guy gave his Laundry away and it never came back to him (at least for 4 days). He came up with the question: “My clothes were taken 4 days ago…Can you help me finding it?”
“Rightoooo…” – I replied – “What was in there?”
“well…my socks and underwear…*blush*…I’m running out of socks…*more blush*…and underwear”
First I wanted to laugh, but then realized the whole seriousness of the situation, so i just started calling girls who works in the laundry and ask them if they saw anything like poor man’s “clothes” (The thought about a guy wearing the same underwear for 4 days made me feel vewwy vewwy sowwy for him).  Socks and underwear were successfully found and returned to it’s owner sound and safe. +10 to me.
Another guy, or actually two guys. Someone took someones bed and they couldn’t decide who will sleep on the top bed and who on the bottom(a bunk bed? not sure about correct name for the bed). So they decided to come around to a Reception office and let me decide who should sleep where and who s wrong etc.  I never knew I could shout at the 40 ish y.o. man that loud and scary. Of course at first i was calm and tried to keep the situation under control, after about 20 minutes of listening two babies cry, but when i heard the phrase “I want justice” I lost it. Security, boss, other admins, housekeeping stuff and other 5 guys looked about like that –> O___O…
Of course the next day I moved one of the “kids” to another room, for what I received a chocolate bar.
Been told “Thats the first one, but not the last”. Somehow people on site think If I’m a girl i probably like chocolate…BUT NOT IN THIS QUANTITIES PEOPLE!!!
My desk is stuffed with chocolates, they are falling off the shelf and some of them being transferred to a housekeeping stuff and security girls.
Ate a candy the other day (those filled with liquor). Decided to go straight to a security supervisor and do a breath test.
The All Mighty Breathalyser beeped with “Red”, confused security and a couple of giggles. Breathalyser  once again, and “Red”…Eyes of security starting to grow to a side of a small tuna can. Me leaving laughing my ass off. 4 Minutes later “Green”…security gets the joke and we laugh together. 10 minutes of the work day are killed, but about 2 years of life from a healthy laughter (Somebody said laughing prolongs the life…isn’t that true?).
Sometimes people asking to find someone with the name they are not sure, the last name they forgot and the company they think was…: “There was a guy coming in, i think his name is Bair or Birkek? or…no his last name was something like Matubishkishmish…or something like it…he is from Orensakh, i mean Orenburg…i think…or no…he is Veco Veco right…i think his name was Barbandoo”…
=) “Yeah i had some Kirbirkek and Oramdu Barboondoo coming in…do they sound familiar?”…oh, hold on, those were from Fluor…NAAAAAAH…i dont have the name you are looking for, sorry mate. I had 10 people coming in today and none of them had such a name…and not yesterday and not a week before and no sorry…none of the visitors tomorrow will have a name like the one you are looking for…really sorry.Go find out his real name”
There is about 5 “I locked myself out” a day (people just forget the keys and walk away…sometimes they come in a bath towel).
Around 10 “I want to change my room, the guys are snoring and there is a wind coming in from the power socket”
me- “So they do snore in my room and the wind blows from the sockets, and they will snore in another room and the wind will blow too, if not from the socket, then from the night light that was screwed into the wall all the way through out. Furthermore i don’t have a spare bed just to put you in”
There will be maybe 3 people each day saying “My pillow is bed and the towels are gone, there is only 3 closets in the room but 4 people”
Well, I can find you a towel…would that make you happy? The cupboard were ordered, the whole camp sleeps on exactly the same pillow as yours and only yours is not good enough, and considering the cupboard issue, why dont you ask your roomies to give you at least one side of the big double closet?
People all of the kinds, nationalities, companies, positions and sizes are coming in.  Mostly there are companies that have more priority before others, staff would live 2 in the room that takes 4 people, and as soon as i start filling them up they come and nod, if not to me then to their bosses, their bosses come to my boss, my boss comes to me asks if there is any room to place the people elsewhere, I say “no we are full, my boss goes back to their boss, their boss goes to the guys and says “toughen up princess”, guys are coming to me and start trying to buy me off with promises to bring chocolate, i show them the whole variety of the sweet goodness i got in my office and they start crying in hope i will feel sorry for them and find another place to put the people in. Then they leave, i put people in their rooms, the guys start hating me and eventually stop saying “Good morning”, “Hello”  and such…
Some people become more respectful if i act tough, some people leave and leave behind all their crap they just threw at me, some people leave and leave a smile on my face…
It’s a very hard work as you have to communicate a lot with people and not all people know how to be nice…Unfortunately the most part of the “uncontrollable” kind are russians…something like 95% Russian men/women 4% workers from the former USSR countries and 1% expats.  And as always, the higher the position of the person, the higher their level of the “Bitchiness”.
Thats it for now, will see what else will happen.

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